Wabi Sabi

You’re not alone

No one may have known of the times you’ve stared at yourself in the mirror,

Wondering where you went wrong,

Or of the sleepless nights,

You spent doubting your worth,

Of the times you sat alone in the rocker,

With your mug of stale coffee,

Wondering where it all started going downhill,

Or those times you spent wetting your pillow,

With the heaviness of your heart.

The times when you overworked yourself,

And drank yourself into oblivion,

Just so that you wouldn’t have to spend another lonely night.

You still had the strength to stand up the next day,

To stand up for yourself and own it up,

To get through fake smiles and disheartening jabs,

To rise like a Phoenix when you were burnt to ashes.

The courage and perseverance that makes you, you..

Know that you have your back, and you are not alone, never alone!!

After passing my boards, When I joined college, I was sceptical, as in I didn’t know if I would be able to make too many good friends. You see I was never the friendly kind. Didn’t really have too many friends in school.

So at first I was a little wary. I only spoke to a few people. I didn’t want to seem too loud or all over the place.

The first two years went by in a jiffy. When I started FYBCom, I had planned a new route for my life.

I joined the Student Council. I started attending the council meetings, meaning I started making new friends, guys and girls alike. I made friends with my peers and my seniors. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that I made some of the best friends in my life.

Just as things were settling in, my dad told me that we were going to relocate. Just as I was starting to discover myself, it felt like all my dreams, all my plans, everything was going astray.

I only had a little time left with my friends. I only had so much to spend with them. And although they all assured me that they would keep in touch, we knew better than to believe our own words.

The flow of letters and phone calls slowly started ebbing away as we all got more and more busier with our own lives.

My best friendships didn’t really last long or should I say I didn’t get as much time with them. But they have been my best friends for life and will always be. Whether we stay in touch or not.

Life is at best, bittersweet, to give you the very best and then just taking it away. Just give it your best shot and see what lies ahead.

Picture of you

Can I take a picture of you?

An undisguised, unfiltered you,

Candid and ruthlessly raw,

Giggling childishly without a care in the world.

Let me take this picture of you,

Preserving your happy, undaunting spirit,

For lest I ever see you disheartened,

I’d present it to you.

Let me picture you in the sun,

Basking in the light of its heavenly glory,

For when the dark thoughts come scavenging in the night,

I’d feed them our love story.

Can I take a picture of you?

Reading your favourite book,

When the words seep through your veins,

Etching the emotions in every cranny and nook.

And my best picture of you would be

You dancing in the rain,

A spitting image of fervent femininity,

Oblivious to hurt and pain.

I’d take a picture of you,

Swinging under the tree in respite,

And save you in the pages of my diary,

As a memory of a lifetime!!

4 Haikus and a Fib

#Haiku 1.

She let go

Of the suffering and then let karma

Take her place.

#Haiku 2.

A second chance

More a matter of universal deservance

But seldom given.

#Haiku 3.

Bright as Sun

She shone and lit up his universe

He was Icarus.

#Haiku 4.

Her left hand,

Although non-dominant, still it held the key,

To her heart.

#Fib 1.

You

Could

Be a

Fib of my

Imagination but I’d like to

Tell you that you’re better than anything real.

Saving grace!

And she, lost in her tremulous monotony,

Walking across the crowded street,

Taking one calculated step after another,

Heard a hearty chuckle from a bench,

fixed under an old oak tree.

She stopped in her tracks and turned around,

To see where it had come from,

Bothered not because it was too loud,

But more bewildered at the genuineness of it.

She saw a ghost of a smile, from the corner of her eye,

That made her question the banality of her own existence,

And made her think of the metronome beat,

That she always used to put herself to sleep.

There was something about that smile she thought,

Something she couldn’t really spell out,

But she knew it brought her peace,

And unravelled a pleasantness, she hadn’t known to exist.

That laughter, virtuous and pure,

Although it didn’t have a face,

Etching hieroglyphs on her old soul mind,

That smile, that damn smile, she knew , would be her saving grace.

Home

A home,

Long lost, far fetched,

Nostalgia sets in, an intangible homesickness,

A place faraway, yet close to the heart,

An ineffable feeling of losing something that I never had,

A place I’ve always wanted to return to,

A place aching with hoarded memories,

Hiraeth in my bones,

A home!!

Adventure of an ecstatic heart!

You’re like the essay that slowly transitions into poetry,

The words spilling like grains of sand from my hand,

They scatter across, the more I try to pull them together,

Slowly weaving themselves into a fairy tale story!!

You’re like the moonlight that’s still there on a new moon day,

Like the silent whispers of the waves on the sand; when the sea is calm,

You’re like the hushed sleep that slowly treads in,

On agonised nights, when a soaked pillow is all the comfort I have.

You’re the thoughts racing in my mind at jet speed,

You’re the wisp of breath that would wither away, If I didn’t catch it with mine,

Marshmallow hearts, in an autumn bonfire,

Slowly melting away, one drop at a time.

You’re like the first gospel a child ever heard,

You’re a happy confusion spelled like adventure,

And you feel like the fruit of an unrequited love,

Looming at the edge of the vale,

On the other side of a dream.

And I don’t want to bother myself with the how and why,

For once, I’ll let me be happy with why not and just because,

See I know I can’t have a fairy god-mother or mice that turn to horses,

But for all it’s worth, I’ll let you be my fairy tale!

Mind talks!!

Usually I’m a very talkative person, bantering and chattering my way through the day. Not one ounce of boredom though, mind you!! I read.. and that’s why I can talk about anything from movies to literature and from science to poetry. Indulge me, you’d be surprised!!

So when I started talking to you, I got comfortable pretty soon. Spilling words came too easy. You said you’re more of a listener and I love to talk you see.. perfect!!

I talked to you about my friends, the crazy, goofy things we did. About the songs I loved and why I loved them. The places I loved to go to and the places I’d love to stay. I would go on to tell you about chaos theory, string theory, paradoxes and what not like I was some enlightened being.

You would listen, quietly. Observant, I’ve noticed. Listening with that silent amusement that I wouldn’t notice cuz I’m too busy talking you see..

Then I’d text you if I couldn’t talk. Unaware if you’re busy or something. I just have to talk cuz I know you’d be listening.

And we’d text into the nights.. and I wondered at times why were you still listening to me!! Was I making a fool of myself talking too much.. you see we girls are brought up that way, we are taught not to talk too much. But you were there.. listening and I didn’t really mind cuz I’d started liking it in a way..

So it happened that day. You slept off, and I kept talking to you.. all the conversations I had with you in my head; all the things I’d been wanting to tell you, but couldn’t!! I wish you’d hear them someday cuz ur a great listener.. and I love to talk!!

Binge watching from a distance!

Me and my bestie have this funny habit of binge watching entire series of movies or daily soaps once we put our minds to it. Though we are far from each other, there are so many stories we’ve shared and lived together. I wanted to write about three of those stories and the gist I grasped from them.

Dark, a story of twisted and tangled web of timelines so complex, it blows your mind. So without delving too deep into the story line, let’s just suffice by saying that a time machine was created for a purpose, which in turn warped the time and created multiple timelines with people who wouldn’t have otherwise existed.. three whole seasons of trying to understand what’s going on and who’s who and trying to figure which timeline is currently in play, it finally ended with a simple fact that the warped timeline had to be destroyed and the characters that we so worried about shouldn’t have existed in the first place. Jonas and Martha save the time from being warped and are disintegrated in the process.. WHAT YOU SOOOO CARE ABOUT, MIGHT NOT EXIST AT ALL..

Game of Thrones, the epic, with such a wide spectrum of characters. The first two seasons you simply try to understand who’s related to who as you get acquainted to all the characters. One such character is Daenerys Targaryen. At first, you see Dany, the delicate. A girl so soft, she would wither away at the slightest touch. A doll on display. Then you see her rise, from Daenerys to the Khaleesi, to the breaker of chains, to the mother of dragons, Daenerys Stormborn. You see her birthing dragons, taming them, riding them. She fights battle after battle until you start believing that she’s the most deserving heir to the iron throne. That part where you see the dragon wings open behind her, proves that she was indeed the last dragon. To have evolved so much, to have been through so much, and then to be killed at the hands of an illegitimate love-child, NO AMOUNT OF POWER CAN EVER BE ENOUGH.

Harry Potter, my most favourite, my go-to series for every mood. The boy who lived, the boy who didn’t know he was a wizard, the boy who had the courage to stand up against wrong even when he knew he was too small for the evil he was to face. The saga of love, friendship, bravery and courage. The story that makes us believe in magic. The first three movies are well versed in creating the fear of the dark and evil that has yet to surface. The fourth movie is where we see Lord Voldemort, the face of fear, for the first time. The story of how little Harry grows up under threat and fear, how he learns his way to stand up against and fight evil, what love and friendship really mean, makes you believe that THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE AND A LIL’ BIT OF MAGIC.. ALWAYS!!

It’s fun discussing the story, scenes, back stories and theories with her. Our friendship isn’t just about lending a shoulder, it’s also about exploring things together, indulging each other, widening our horizons and doing crazy things together. Feels good to know we don’t need reasons to keep chattering. I look forward to binge watch Friends with her now.. just a reminder..

J. K. Rowling said and I quote, “the stories we love best, live in us forever!” I believe every story leaves a part of itself in us and takes away a part of us with it.

As a Daughter..

When they say you don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it, they haven’t come across people who constantly live with the fear of losing a loved one. What it is to be fearful of an impending inevitable is an inexplicable dread we’ve all faced at some point in life.

Losing my dad had always been the greatest fear of my life. Even as a young child and with the stories of life and death we heard from my grandma, it always scared me to think of his absence in my life.

As I look back upon the years, each memory of his flashes so vividly, I can sense the air of that time so fresh in my breath. How I watched him play badminton with his friends early mornings, how he drove me to school on his scooter, how he held me as I jumped puddles in the rains. My cough used to trouble his tired sleep many a nights, but he would still bid me goodbye on his way to work like his day wouldn’t start without it. He would ask me to select his shirt when he went out with his friends. He would take us to meet Santa every Christmas. He bought me my first hunter boots. He was proud of my friends and that showed his trust in me. He waited till so late to take me home after my college function and still let me go for dinner with my friends when they insisted. I remember seeing him cry watching father-daughter movies and I’ve seen him smile through tears. I remember listening to Devanand and Shammi Kapoor songs n him whistling to those tunes he loved so much.

But all the love in the world and all the happy memories can never prepare you for the worst fear of your life. The day came as expectedly unexpected. The call that I had dreaded came from mom and I rushed dazedly aware of my actions. I saw him there, lying still and calm.. peaceful, without a care in the world. Content that his purpose on Earth was served.

I couldn’t be there when he breathed his last, and I wonder all the time if it was a good thing for me or not. His departure and the life after that has been one full of lessons. His absence, in a way, has taught me to be strong on my own. I realise what legacy he has left us in his way of living. Carrying his name is a matter of pride and responsibility both. I hope to live a life that he would be proud of!! Through every walk of life, I’ll learn to dance like the queen he played me songs about!!